Choosing Happiest

I could choose to be miserable in the loss of Peter but  God gives us freedom.  He gives us freedom to love, freedom to trust and the freedom to be happy.  I choose to love Peter while still living and loving others in my life. 

How do I love?  How do I choose to be happy?  I love by being the best wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, and friend.  I love so imperfectly.  I need to work on showing love and happiness.  A simple smile can go a long way.  I show happiness by being positive and really just smiling.  Saying "hi" to a neighbor or a stranger. 

How do you choose happiness? 

Please pray for me and my journey to love and be happy.  I need your prayers and the guidance of God to be the best person I can be.  I will continue to pray for you.  God Bless. 

Thomas' Baby Name

It is so funny, Thomas has named this baby.  I have no idea where the name came from but my guess is it is from Peter. 

What is the name you ask?  The name Thomas has decided on is Frances(is).  Good thing it can be used for either a boy or girl. Too bad it is already used and we won't be using it again.  I hope he isn't sad when the baby comes and has a different name.  Maybe we should start talking about that now. 

Do your kids have names they want to name your baby?   

This post is linked- up

Feed Yourself Health

 

I wrote this blog post for the Circle of Life Network.  Circle of Life Network is committed to providing parents with the knowledge they need to become empowered self-advocates.  Our community is a safe, reliable place that offers credible evidence-based information, resources, and support from like-minded peers and birth and child professionals. 

 

Lisa and Amy, founders of Circle of Life Network, asked me to write for the blog, what and honor.  Thank you Lisa and Amy. 

I needed to remind myself what I said about health eating before I got pregnant with Baby Niall #6.  I hope this healthy piece inspires you and me to recommit to eating healthy!  I sure did forget the tips. I know I will be reinstituting them into my shopping and menu planning. 

 

I remember when my husband and I got married and started thinking about having a baby.  I have type II Diabetes, so we were not sure what it would take to get pregnant.  Once we decided to try, we started to eat healthy.  Little did I know, this was very important (I know – how can you not know eating healthy is important, but I didn’t)  and it was going to be a continued work!

Pregnant and nursing moms lose so many nutrients to their babies.  I have been pregnant 4 times and have nursed 3 babies.  After every pregnancy I wondered why I forgot more and had less energy.  Since the loss of our last baby I have been researching and learned about what our bodies do when we’re pregnant and/or nursing.

 

It is important to take care of your body with good nutrition, no matter how hard it is.  It’s easy to say “I’m having a pregnancy craving so I am just going to eat what I want,” regardless of it’s nutritional value.  I know it can be hard to take care of yourself when you are pregnant, especially when you have other children in your care.  Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the children’s leftovers.  It is like the oxygen mask on an airplane – the flight attendant always says you must put your oxygen mask on before you can help others.  You can’t take care of your children or husband’s health and nutrition if you are depleted.

 

Your diet should consist of 80% raw vegetables and fruits (60% vegetable and 20% fruit).  Some tricks you can try to eat healthy through pregnancy and nursing include:

• have vegetable and fruits you enjoy on hand all the time
• take 30 – 40 minutes 2 days a week to cut up vegetables and fruits to have on hand
• menu-plan with meals that are vegetable-heavy
• keep trail mix heavy in nuts and dried fruits in your car
• only drink water or kefir water
• when cooking vegetables, make 2-3 times more than you need and immediately store the extra away to eat later
• add fruit and vegetables to your breakfast
• start your day off with a good portion of vegetables…add them to your eggs and/or add fresh fruit to your yogurt or oatmeal
• have a salad with lunch or dinner every day

I want to address menu planning.  I know this can be daunting to many people.  I actually take the easy way out.  I plan my menus months at a time.  It does take a little time when I sit down to plan, but I repeat many of our family favorites each week.  Does your family like spaghetti squash?  We love it!  You could have spaghetti squash with tomato sauce once a week,  leftovers at least twice a week, and salad with meat at least once a week.  I know every family is different, but if I can get four days of dinners done, then I only have to be creative 3 days a week.  Be flexible! Things come up, and if there is food on sale that you can’t pass up, adjust your menu as needed.

 

Eating vegetables and fruits while pregnant and nursing will help you to stay healthy.

 

Do you eat enough vegetable and fruits while you are pregnant? 

Linked up to Wellness Wednesday.
 

High/Low

A few nights ago, Michael and I were talking about my blood sugars.  Honestly, I feel like it will never be under control.  I eat exactly what I am suppose to, workout, take the right amount of insulin, send my food diaries to my dietician every three days (honestly written) and still my blood sugars are higher than they should be.  I went to an appointment this week and hopefully this appointment will help me to make improvements and figure out what needs to change.

When I went to my appointment, I was happily surprised by the reaction of both my dietician and endocrinologist.  They were both impressed by how much my blood sugars have decreased and how hard I am working.  The proof was in the numbers.  I went down 3 total pointed in my HbA1c.  Oh yes the insulin was a big help but it does not work by alone. 

I am glad that my hard work is paying off.  I continue the battling eating right, working out and writing down what I eat.  God willing at he next appointment my number will be even better. 

Thank you for your continued prayers. I will be praying for you.  God Bless!

Be Not Afraid

In my last post, about the people and groups that really helped and supported us, I left out one important person and group.  Tracy and her team at Be Not Afraid really helped and support us in our time of need. 

What is Be Not Afraid?   Be Not Afraid (BNA) is a private non-profit corporation whose mission is to provide comprehensive, practical, and peer-based support to parents experiencing a prenatal diagnosis and carrying to term.  In addition, BNA encourages development of new services so more parents find support at diagnosis by offering training, consulting and technical assistance as well as materials to other organizations and individuals committed to service development. 

Tracy took a personal interest in our family.  Thank you, Tracy, for listening to me when I need someone to listen. 

This beautiful video called, Be Not Afraid Couples 2013, was done by a friend of Be Not Afraid.  There are a few pictures of Michael in I in the video below: 

http://animoto.com/play/LirHqwH9Xh0F9R0iOaevqw

Please tell us what support groups helped you or what people listened to you when you needed someone to hear your grief?

Please pray for me as we continue to pray for you.  God bless! 

Our Love Story part II

  
While Daddy was gone Mama needed to call family members that had not heard.  Some friends know because Rebecca was on top of everything asking for prayer requests before the loss and then lovingly and caringly letting people know about our loss.  By this time many of our friends were finding out about our loss at the morning Mass at St. Benedict Abbey said by Fr. Peter.  Many tears and prayer were shed for us at that Mass.  What would be my family’s reaction?  I called my mother and I was strong, she cried and said she would call the rest of the family and come to see me as soon as she could.  I wasn't as strong when I called my brother.  I could barely say anything.  We cried together.  He didn't know what to say, but who does!  He was sad and so was I.  The announcement could now go on Facebook.

While everyone was gone I was able to do my prayer.  Lord why?  I cried.  I realized that it was His will and nothing I would have done could have changed His will.  It didn't hurt less but it was a little comfort to know it was His will for our family. 

The children were now here with another amazing friend, Peg Murphy.  James my sweet sensitive little boy did not really know what to think.  If we as adults don't know how to respond how is this little boy supposed to know how to respond?  I'm sure he was wondering how this little baby that was not moving or crying could be his baby brother.  Adriana was so sad also.  She sat and just held her baby brother; James did not really want to hold him.  Thomas really didn't know what was happening and why everyone was so sad.  He was climbing around and acting like everything was normal—if only we could all respond this way.  They stayed for about an hour and we were able to get some nice family pictures.  We also had a chance talk to the children about Peter being with Our Lord in Heaven and allow them to ask us questions.  They were grieving and trying to make sense of all that had happened. 
 

 Ma Murph (Peg) took the children back to her house.  This gave me more time to mourn on my own.  I cried as much as I could between doctors and nurses come into the room.  We also got lots of phone calls and Michael spent much of his energy making funeral arrangements. 

Midday Nana came to visit and Daddy went to pick Adriana up to spend more time with Peter.  Adriana sat in Nana's lap and they both held Peter.

 I needed to rest.  All these emotions were exhausting.  Just as I was ready to fall asleep the grief counselor was here.  Some of what she said was silly like don't have a baby shower but much of what she said was good.  The most memorable words were "People say stupid things!"  People don't know what to say so don't be offend when they say stupid things.  I am not a sensitive person generally but being postpartum and grieving this was exactly what I needed to here. 

The outpouring of supporting was positively overwhelming.  We had many good friends call and visit.  My midwife and one of her assistants came to visit.  They were both very sad.  She, as mentioned earlier, had, only a few days earlier, had another family lose their first born baby girl.  She was so supportive through all this.  I was so blessed to work with such a wonderful midwife.  I honestly could not image having a different support team. 

Later this evening my dearest friends Anne and Michelle (godmother of Peter) came to visit.  They came bearing coffee!  They prayed with us, laughed with us and of course cried with us.  What a beautiful visit.  At this point I was feeling more at peace with God's will.
  

Michelle holding her godson (top left) Anne singing to Peter (top right)
Michelle, Anne and Michael praying over Peter! (bottom center)

Everyone was gone.  It was just Michael, Peter's body, and me left in the hospital room.  We could see his body deteriorating.  It was very sad.  We were going to have to let his body go.  He was already gone but letting his body go was going to be hard.  Michael decided he wanted to get Adriana one more time so she could say one last "good-bye" to Peter.  Michael and Adriana held Peter and they cried.  I hadn't yet had my big cry.  I had accepted God's will and cried some but not much.  Michael told the nurses they could take Peter's body now and he took Adriana back to the Murphy house. 

 

By the time Michael returned I wanted Peter back.  I wanted to say my last "good-bye."  I cried and held him.  I prayed and held him.  I just wanted to be able to bring him home!  Why?  Please Lord let me take him home.  I knew I couldn't take him home and I knew I was going to have to let him go.  I said one more prayer and gave him one last kiss.  "Good-bye Peter, Mama will work extremely hard to meet you in heaven."

I don't remember the days that followed they are all a big blur.  I don't remember exactly what day we left the hospital but I am pretty sure it was Wednesday.  By the loving support of all of our friends and family we did not have to cook dinner for many nights.  Actually if I remember correctly I don't think I had to cook dinner, other that Christmas dinner, until after New Year’s!  We were so blessed by all of our amazingly supportive friends!  Between dinners and prayers we were so blessed and could physically feel the love.  I can honestly say I never knew what people meant when they said they could feel the prayers but I knew that all the prayers are what kept me going!  Thank you if you were one of those people praying for us, we are still truly grateful!

It was nice to be out of the hospital and home.  I was also hard to be home and not pregnant or having a newborn baby with us.  I wasn't nursing.  How could I be postpartum but not have a little person with me?  How could I be in so much pain but still not have a baby?  I had so many questions going through my head and the one thing that kept me going more than anything was my prayer.  Knowing it was God's will.  God never said life was going to be easy and yes, bad things happen to good people. 

I started to put my energy into something I could control, Peter's funeral.  This kept my mind occupied.  Honestly, Michael and Rebecca did most of the work preparing for the funeral but the children and I were working on a poster to bring to and display at the funeral.  I uploaded and ordered the pictures.  The children decorate the poster with family pictures of us and our little saint. 

Funeral Day

Again I don't remember much.  I was in pain, walking as slow as molasses.  When we got to the Abbey I was completely overwhelmed by the number of people we saw as we drove in.  Even though we told everyone about the funeral we also said there would be a private gathering after the funeral.  The thought of facing so many people was overwhelming and here I was face-to-face with all these people.  I didn't think so many people would come to the funeral.  There were so many!  It really did bring great joy to be surrounded by so many!  We were surrounded by my family, Michael’s family, homeschool friends, Nursing Mother Council friends, VBOA friends, young adult friends and community members.  Some of the students from a local high school took time off of school to be there and husbands took time off of work to be with us.  Wow. Again I was completely overwhelmed by the love and support so many people showed us in the time of sorrow.

I am still grateful for the outpouring of love and support we received during our time of sorrow and grief. 

This is video from the funeral that Michael shares some amazing words. 

 

 

Over the Next Couple of Month and Year

We were supported in so many ways including dinners, cards and prayers.  The cards came for people all over the country.  They came from friends and friends of friends.  We even had some young Christmas carolers come to our house.  These prayers and supports have carried us all the way to today. 

I was able to take my mind off of the loss by putting all my effort into Advent and Christmas.  Of course there were still and still are challenging days.  I was blessed by a retreat in February and I have so many beautiful women to pray with and talk to about my recent lost.

Thanks you all for the continued prayers that continue to carry our family through our rough days. 

Please continue to pray for us and know I am praying for you!  God Bless.

 

Peter's Connected

Last year on March 13th the new Pope was elected.  I remember the day well.  We were watching the election on our computer.  The white smoke went up.  One of the children had an appointment but I could not leave the house.  I had to see the new Pope.  I am sure many of you can relate to this scenario. 

Finally after what felt like hours of waiting to see him and know who he was they announced Pope Francis.  My heart melted, Pope Francis!  The first Pope was Pope Peter and now a few short months after we lost our Peter Francis we have a new Pope, the first Pope Francis.  What an honor!  We surely feel connected to Pope Francis and love how our little saint has the name of two popes.  Now we will wait for a saint Niall. 

This would never have gone much farther than my mind except we had so many people called, e-mailed and texted that they also thought of our little Peter when they announced Pope Francis.  Yes, he certainly is connected. 

Does your family have any connections to the any of the Popes?