Begin Again and Be Positive

This has been a low week.  There is no real reason.  The children have been sick since Monday but that is part of life as a mom.  I have spent most days in bed and the house is falling apart around me.  What am I doing? 

I am not being positive.  I am not living life.  I am not being a good mom.  I am not going to beat myself up and I am going to pick myself up.  I am going to begin again tomorrow. 

I will set my alarm., do my prayer and go to the gym.  I am going to live my life.  Life is hard.  God never said He would make it easy for me.  Suffering is a part of our journey to heaven.  Part of my journey to meet Him one day. 

What do you need to do to pick yourself up and begin again. 

Please continue to pray for our family as we pray for your family.  God Bless. 


P.S.  This as nothing to do with the Taylor Swift song with I have never even heard and just ran into when looking for a photo but should be accredited to my spiritual director who is always telling me to begin again. 

It Is Real

Yesterday we had our first appointment with our new/old doctor (obgyn).  It was a family trip because Michael  wanted to be there to ask the doctor some questions he had.  I usually feel like the crazy lady bringing three children to my appointment but then add dad.  Now I feel like people are pointing and laughing.  I know three children seems small but in our two children culture going to my doctor's office with three in tow and one on the way makes me feel like the freak show.  Then add dad and for some reason I feel like we are just over doing it.

The visit was quick.  We were seen with minutes of arriving (lets get the crazy people out of here) and the doctor was shortly behind. 

It was confirmed that I chose the correct doctor, Dr. B.  I am, apparently, unforgettable because six years later she remembers me well.  She remembers the good, the bad, and the ugly.  So do I.  As I shared before, in Doctor Dilemma, the good outweighs the bad and the ugly. 

What do I like about Dr. B.  She has a great bed side manner but at the same time is straight forward.  The fact that she remembers me (really remembers me) and she is still willing to work with me is helpful.  She said, I know you had wanted to go as far as you could (without interventions with my other pregnancies) in past pregnancies and a natural birth but that is not an option now.  We will have to be sure to take precautions, not to say that we did not with the other pregnancies.  Now that I am at advance maternal age, diabetic, have had 4 previous pregnancies (not sure what this has to do with the price of beans) and have had a baby with fatal demise we need to deliver this baby when his/her lungs are  fully developed.  Guess what she didn't say?  We will have to deliver this baby at 36 weeks.  In fact she said the opposite, we will need to start increase ultrasounds in the third trimester and watch all the signs that this baby is ready.  In the end, I walked out feeling like she was going to be respectful to me and cautious at the same time.  This along with the vision I have in mind for delivery and holding my baby after birth are all I ask.  Dr. B is meeting both of those needs. 

The most difficult part of this, and every, appointment I have will be when they try to find babies heart beat.  My fear that she won't hear it will always be there.  This time we were all there waiting to hear the baby's heartbeat.  Everyone's reaction was different.  Adriana smiled with joy, James said "what was that noise, and Thomas was excited to hear the baby moving.  Finally Michael said "Now it is real!"  Really, now it is real. I guess that's what it took for his reality to set in. 

Well now it is real and next week we have our 18 week ultrasound.  Please pray for us as we continue to pray for you!  God Bless. 

This post is linked up to:

No Wait I Mean YES!

On December 23rd I went to the Dollar Tree and purchased a pregnancy test.  It was negative.  I have always used Dollar Tree pregnancy test and they have always but right.  I was sad but it was what I excepted. 

Yes we want more children but I never know if I can even get pregnant again.  I am diabetic and have polycystic ovaries (PCOS) and with that combo I am lucky to have had four pregnancies. 

Four days later I still had no premenstrual signs so I figured what's the harm I'll go to CVS and pick up another pregnancy test. 

It was the morning of the third day of Christmas, Dec 27th, and my husband was already suspicious.  I was in shock.  How could it be?  This is not the month I thought it would happen.  I had months that I was eating healthier.  Okay God you are so mysterious.  This time the test said yes!

I went right down to Michael's office and gave him his third Day of Christmas present.  I had to ask him to check for me because I was truly in disbelief.  I was right.  He was so happy!   

Me well as happy as I was I was still confused and not totally sure what to believe. I was tricked.  No and now yes, guess I won't be using those dollar tree tests again. 

This was the beginning of my rollercoaster ride.