Today is a big day so I will be blogging twice today. I am sure it will be a day filled with emotion.
What is this big day all about?
I go to my first official appointment. The one where I get to hear the baby's heart beat.
It will be such a comfort to hear this baby's heart beat. I know it doesn't mean everything but at this point it is the only comfort I have passed the positive test. Therefor at this point in my pregnancy it is EVERYTHING!
Why the emotion? The last time I went to hear my baby's heart beat my midwife could not find the heart beat. She could not find Peter's heart beat. We didn't even know our baby as Peter during that visit. That was the day we said "hello and goodbye" to our little baby "Saint" Peter.
This leads me to the continuation of my discussion from yesterday, emotions. I know a pregnancy after a loss can increase emotions. Pregnancy is a hormonal and emotional rollercoaster no matter the circumstance. It is just a bit more of a challenge when you are worried about carrying a baby to term on top of all the other hormonal emotions.
Everyone will deal with their emotions differently. I am pouring lots of energy into this blog. I am also working on being healthy. Both of these tasks along with caring for my three children (and husband), homeschool, running all over town and every day tasks take lots of energy. I truly feel like all these energies are God's calling for me at this moment. Am I masking my emotions? Absolutely not, although some may not agree. Again we all deal with loss and hurt in so many different ways. I do believe we NEED to deal with our emotions.
The way I deal with emotion is to rationalize everything. Life and emotions have to make sense to me. My sense is not going to be your sense. When I have an emotion I work on figuring out why I am having the feelings and emotions. I will say I am not always successful but mostly after time in prayer it is revealed to me. I pray about my feeling and I ask God to help me. Through that process I completely trust God. He gets me through everything.
This may not be your process and I am here to say this is okay. God does not work in all of our lives in the same way. We are not robots. I am explaining the way I deal with emotion because it will help to understand where I come from as you read my blog.
To add to your understanding of my emotional process I wanted to share the results of a silly quiz took yesterday, "Which Downton Abbey character are you." I got Bates, I totally understand why I got Bates he is no nonsense! He has emotions but they say "No hardship is too great for him to come back from." I believe that is true for me ONLY by the GRACE of God!
Emotions are always difficult. We need to deal with them and some of us have a harder time dealing with emotions that other. Let yourself feel and ask Our Lord to help you!
Pray for me today as I deal with the emotions of going to and God willing hearing the beat of my baby's heart. I will pray for you today!